Lowest of the Low

by Steve Harvey

(Not valid in Nebraska, or parts of South Dakota)

The Colleges

Frustrated Georgia football fans can appreciate only too well the lyric from the state song ``Georgia, oh Georgia, no peace I find..."

The Bulldogs, ranked No. 19 in AP's pre-season (TOP 25) poll, jumped to No. 1 in the Bottom Ten with a 42-45 loss to South Carolina, pushing their record to a spotless 0-2. There is so much turmoil on the team that, Uga, the school's canine mascot, is threatening to transfer to Fresno State, even if it means red-leashing for a year.

Another big disappointment to its fans is Notre Dame, the legendary Fighting Rash, which AP ranked No. 16 in the pre-season in an apparent attempt to steal laughs from the Bottom Ten. The Rash is also winless, and No. 2 in the BT.

Elsewhere, Iowa State (2-0) defeated No. 18 Iowa (1-1) by a 44-41 score in their annual grudge match, which marks the end of the season for both schools because they're too boring to play a full year.

Wreck, Record Last Loss Next Loss

1.Georgia (0-2).............42-45, South Carolina.....Coastal Carolina

2. Notre Dame (0-2)......31-35, Michigan...............Michigan State

3. Colorado (0-2)...........33-36, Cal (OT) ...............Colorado State

4. Oregon State (0-2)......0-35, Wisconsin............ UCLA

5. BC* (0-2).......................3-30, Central Florida...Duke

6. Duke (0-2) ..................10-44, Stanford...............BC**

7. San Jose State (0-2)...17-27, UCLA....................Nevada

8. Akron (0-2) .................3-41, Temple..................Cincinnati

9. Indiana (0-2)................31-34, Virginia...............South Carolina State

10. East Carolina (0-2).. 10-17, Virginia Tech..... Alabama (Birmingham)

*Not the comic strip

**Might be the comic strip

11. North Texas (0-2); 12. Minnesota (0-2); 13. Alabama (Birmingham) (0-1); 14. Blank (Ohio) 0-1); 15. UNLV (0-2); 16. Nevada (0-1); 17. Western Kentucky (0-2); 18. Iowa State (1-1); 19. Out to lunch; 20. Memphis (0-2).

Rout of the Weak: Alabama (2-0) vs. North Texas (0-2).

Crummy Game of the Weak: Duke (0-2) @ B.C (0-2).

The Pros

Much of the suspense involving the NFL season has vanished with the realization that the next Super Bowl will be a matchup of undefeated Buffalo and undefeated Detroit.

The Bottom Ten race is still competitive, though.

The Dallas Cows took possession of the top spot with a come-from-ahead 24-27 loss to the New Jersey Jets. The Cows came into the game with a franchise record of 241-0-1 in games in which they led by 14 or more points in the fourth quarter. Then they blew a 10-24 lead in that quarter.

New Jersey's other team, the Eli Manning-quarterbacked Ants, didn't fare as well, falling to Washington, 14-28. But then the Skins were quarterbacked by Rex Grossman.

Meanwhile, unreliable reports say that the Oklahoma Sooners still haven't made up their mind whether to transfer to the Pac-Whatever conference or the NFC West.

Pros

Wreck, Record............Last Loss ........Next Loss

1. Dallas (0-1)..............24-27, N.Y. Jets.........S.F.

2. N.J. Ants (0-1).........14-28, Washington....St. Louis

3. Kansas City (0-1)......7-41, Buffalo..............Detroit

4. The Pitts (0-1)..........7-35, Baltimore.........Seattle

5. Seattle (0-1)............17-33, San Francisco..The Pitts

6. Old Orleans (0-1); 7. Minnesota (0-1); 8. Indianapolis (0-1); 9. Cleveland (0-1); 10. Tennessee (0-1).

Rout of the Weak: San Francisco (1-0) over Dallas (0-1).

Crummy Game of the Weak: Seattle (0-1) at the Pitts (0-1).

Fantasy Flops: WR Chad Ochocinco (N.England), 1 catch for 14 yards; QB Donovan McNabb (Minnesota) 7 completions in 15 attempts for 39 yards and one interception; RB Chris Johnson (Tennessee) 9 carries 24 yards; RB LeGarrette Blount (Tampa Bay) 5 carries, 15 yards.

2011 All-Jurisprudence Offensive Team nominations

QB-Terrelle Prior, Oakland (suspended 5 games for violating NFL eligiblity rules)

QB-Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh (faces sexual assault suit)

RB-Cedric Benson, Cincinnati (jailed 5 days for assault)

RB-Michael Bush, Oakland (arrested for drunk driving

RB-Laurence Maroney, Denver (arrested on weapons charge)

FB-Ahmard Hall, Tennessee (suspended 4 games for using performance-enhancing substances)

WR-David Reed, Baltimore (suspended 1 game, substance abuse)

WR-Kenny Britt, Tennessee (faces charges of drug possession, resisting arrest)

G-Bobby Williams, Cincinnati (suspended 4 games, performance-enhancing substances)

T-Jason Peters, Philadelphia (arrested for disturbing peace)

Director of Pro Scouting-Shelton Quarles, Tampa Bay (arrested for DUI)

Game-Day Consultant-Jim Tressell, Indianapolis (suspended 6 games for lying to NCAA)

Next Week: the 2011 All-Jurisprudence Defensive Team nominations (and some of the players are pretty defensive about it!)