By Steve Harvey
Spores Editor
THE COLLEGES
Everything is bigger in Texas, including losing college football teams.
The state's Short Horns have taken over No. 1 in the Bottom Ten, following a 26-31 loss to Oklahoma. Texas replaced Michigan, which shocked Penn State, 18-13.
Bottom Ten selectors, apparently angry over being made to look unknowledgeable by Michigan_not that this was the first time_angrily announced that the Wolverines were suspended from the rankings indefinitely. There was talk about a lifetime ban.
While Michigan had gone into the game with two wins, the selectors were hoping that the Wolverines' star appeal would lead to the creation of a Bottom Ten reality show.
Now the BT's cable division must depend on Texas, which meets Iowa State (2-4). The Short Horns, rejecting the current up-tempo strategy, reportedly intend to introduce a down-tempo offense, the goal being to run off less than 12 plays per game in order to cut down on their own fumbles, interceptions, etc.
School, Record........ Last Loss.................. Next Loss
1. Texas (2-4)........... 26-31, Oklahoma........ Iowa State
2. Kent State (0-6)..... 17-40, Ole Mass......... Army
3. Ball State (1-5)........38-42, W Mich.......... Central Mich
4. Wash. State (2-5)... 17-34, Stanford.......... Arizona
5. Idaho (0-6)..............24-47, Ga South........ New Mexico St
6. Georgia State (1-5)..10-52, Arkansas........ So Alabama
7. App St (1-5) ...........48-55, Liberty........... Troy
8. People who talk about apps..................................................
9. SMU (0-5)...............Idle........................... Cincinnati
10. Ole Mass (1-6).......Def. Kent St 40-17... E Michigan
122. UCLA (ranking among 125 top-level teams in protecting its quarterback; Bruins allow 4.17 sacks per game).
Crummy Game of the Week: Texas (2-4) vs. Iowa State (2-4).
Worst Guests Dept.: The L.A. Daily News' Scott Wolf reports that USC football players destroyed a temporary wall in a ballroom at the Omni Los Angeles hotel in what was described as a pre-planned "free for all" before an Oct. 4 loss to Arizona State. The next week, the Trojans left a hole in the wall of the visitors' locker room at Arizona Stadium.
T-Shirt of the Week: OC Register columnist Steve Fryer notes that, for this week's Notre Dame-Fla. State game, Irish rooters devised a shirt paying tribute to arrest of Seminoles QB Jameis Winston for shoplifting seafood. The shirt shows a smiling crab with the caption, "Catholics vs. Criminoles."
Quotebook: UCLA coach Jim Mora said disciplinary measures against players would "be handled in-house." Better than out-house?
PROS
This week's guest Bottom Ten voter_though he didn't know it_was Denver tight end Julius Thomas. After catching his second TD pass in a 17-31 drubbing of the fuel-less Jets, Thomas was overheard exclaiming, "It's so easy."
It was just as simple for the rest of the voters to elevate the Jets (1-5) to No. 1 in the Bottom Ten.
Meanwhile, a few days before the Raiders' game against San Diego, new interim Raiders coach Tony Sparano called the team to together and had a hole dug in the turf. Several players rushed to his side, fearing that Sparano despaired of ever winning and was going to jump in the hole.
But instead Sparano buried a football as a symbolic good-bye gesture to the Dennis Allen era.
The burial was carried out. But, unfortunately for the Raiders, officials were able to find another ball to use and the Raiders continued their losing ways, 28-31, to San Diego_a nice try.
Bottom Ten selectors care nothing about nice tries.
Elsewhere, satellite photos indicated that the island of Atlantis (2-4) had sunk into the Atlantic, its Super Bowl chances purely mythical.
Team, Record............. Last Loss............ Next Loss
1.N.y. Jets (1-5).......... 17-31, Denver....... New England
2. Raiders (0-5)........... 28-31, S Diego..... Arizona
3. Jax (0-6).................. 14-16, Tennessee...Cleveland
4. Grampa Bay (1-5)... 17-48, Baltimore... Off
5. Balt. O's (0-4)........... 1-2, K.C. .............Done
6. Washington (1-5); 7. St. Louis (1-4); 8. Atlantis (2-4); 9. New Orleans (2-3); 10. Miami (Fla.) (2-3).
Crummy Game of the Week: Tennessee (2-4) at Washington (1-5).
Last week's (unintentionally) funniest pre-game ESPN promo (for Green Bay-Miami game): "Can the Packers dominate or will the Dolphins win their second straight?" Ooh. The suspense!
Raiders coach Tony Sparano: Trying to fill hole in offensive line?
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