Where It's Halloween Every Week...

By Steve Harvey
First-time caller, long-time listener


Nobody, Nobody and Nobody likes this

Colleges

The rankings were shaken up by Purdon't as the Boilers took over the Bottom Ten lead on the non-strength of a 0-56 loss to Ohio State.

Actually, the game was closer than the score indicated. One Buckeye PAT kick was nearly wide.

For Purdon't, and winless teams such as Georgia State, Hawaii and Miami (Oh!),  the end of daylight saving time meant one gloomy fact: the season is an extra hour longer.

Newest member, by the way, is No. 11 Colorado, which took advantage of a change in the BT's trend-setting rating system. The BT will now take into consideration not only a team's won-lost record but also its record in calling coin flips. Colorado is a shocking 1-7 in coin tosses this year. A team spokesman said the Buffs would spend extra time practicing coin-calls this week.

Meanwhile,  Nick Saban continued to deny rumors that the only college he would leave Alabama for is UTEP.

Wreck, Record............................................. Last Loss....................... Next Loss
1. Purdon't (1-7)............................................. 0-56, Ohio State.............. Iowa
2. Low Cal (1-8)........................................... 28-33, Arizona................. USC
3. Georgia St (0-9)....................................... .28-44, W Kentucky.......... Idle
4. Hawaii (0-8)............................................. 10-47, Utah St ..................Navy
5. Ole Mass (1-8).......................................... 19-63, N Ill .......................More Idle
6. Miami (Oh!) (0-9)....................................... 3-45, Bowling Green...... Kent State
7. Idaho (1-8)................................................ 21-37, Texas St................. Old Dominion
8. You Conn (0-7)........................................ Idler .................................. Louisville
9. So Miss (0-8) ............................................13-61, Marshall..................La Tech
10. FIU (1-7)................................................ 13-34, E Carolina...............Middle Tennis St

11. Colorado (3-5); 12. Texas at El Broken Up Paso (1-7); 13. New Mexico St (1-8); 14. (Tie) W and E Mich (each 1-8); 16. Temple (1-8); 17. Iowa St (1-7); 18. Idle St; 19. Kansas (2-6); 20. Virginia (2-7).

Rout of the Weak: USC (6-3) over Low Cal (1-8).

Congrats (Maybe)! Ohio State's Urban Meyer, conqueror of Purdon't, became the first head coach to win his first 20 games at a 1-A school since Larry Coker won his first 24 at Miami (Fla.). Coker was fired 51 games later.

Pros

Jacksonville plays Tennessee on the road Sunday so rather than wear bags over their heads at the game, Jaguar fans will wear them in front of their TV sets.  You never know when someone might drop by your house.

A week from Sunday, however, Jacksonville hosts the Arizona Cardinals.  For a previous home game, Jaguars management offered free beers to anyone who bought a ticket for $45 or more. Speculation has it that for the Cardinals game, Jacksonville will hold a drawing of ticket-buyers and allow the winner to play quarterback.

Why not? Couldn't do much worse for a team averaging 10.7 points per game and allowing 33 per game.

Hence the latest catchy message on a Jaguars head bag: "Only Sack in Jax."

Possibly the most upset player of the week was safety James Ihedigbo of No. 5 Baltimore, who was accused of  putting his hands around Cleveland receiver Greg Little's neck and squeezing during one pileup. Ihedigbo vehemently denied the charge. He doesn't choke, he said.

Wreck, Record.............. Last Loss................................. Next Loss
1. Jacksonville (0-8)........ In Hiding.................................. Tennessee
2. Grampa Bay (0-8)....... 24-27, Seattle............................ Miami
3. Minnehaha (1-7) ..........23-27, Dallas............................ New Orleans
4. Pits (2-6) ......................31-55, New England................ Buffalo
5. Baltimore (3-5)............ 18-24, Cleveland...................... Cincinnati
6. Atlantis (2-6); 7. Houston (2-6); 8. Raiders (3-5); 9. St. Louis (3-6);  10. Miami  (season's over).

Crummy Game of the Weak:  Grampa Bay (0-8) vs. Miami (Fla.) (4-4) (if the Dolphins have any players left).

Rout of the Weak: New Orleans (6-2) over Minnehaha (1-7).