Must-Lose Crucials

By Steve Harvey
Hiring and Development Officer
Bottom Ten Inc.

(Please disconnect cell phones before you begin reading this story. And knock off the texting, too.)

The Colleges

When it comes to matchups, they don't come any smaller than this.

Two games feature winless teams_New Mexico State vs. San Diego State and Temple vs. Idaho. The winners can more or less forget about their chances of winning the Bottom Ten title_and the prized Bottom Ten trophy that comes with it, a velveeta cheese statue of Ryan Leaf being sacked in the end zone.

Right behind this Fabulous Four is Ole Mass (0-4), also a threat to go winless.

Another contender is No. 6 FIU, which held Louisville to 72 points. FIU (no one knows what the initials stand for) could make a move in the BT race when it plays No. 6 Ole Southern Miss (0-3) Oct. 5. FIU will be idle Saturday (as its defense was last Saturday).


The rankled:
Wreck, Record................ Last Loss .......................Next Loss
1. New Mexico St (0-4)... 13-59, UCLA.................. San Diego St
2. San Diego St (0-3)....... 30-34 Oregon St.............. New Mexico St
3. Temple (0-3)................ 29-30, Fordham............... Idaho
4. Idaho (0-4)..................... 0-42, Washington St...... Temple
5. Ole Mass (0-4)............... 7-24, Vanderbilt............ Bowling (Green)
6. FIU (0-4) .......................0-72, Louisville.............. Ole So. Miss (Oct. 5)*
7. Ole So. Miss (0-3)......... 3-24, Arkansas............... Boise St
8. Yukon (0-3)................. 21-24, Michigan.............. Buffalo
9. Purdon't (1-3) ..............10-41, Wisconsin............. N Ill
10. Hawaii (0-3)............... 9-31, Northwestern......... Fresno St

*Tickets still available.

11. University of Texas at El Wobbly Paso (1-2); 12. BYU (1-2); 13. TCU (1-2); 14. Colorado State (1-3); 15. Cal (1-2); 16.  Results not available at press time; 17.-19. Tie among Western Michigan (0-4), Central Michigan (1-3), Eastern Michigan (1-3) and any other Michigans you can think of; 20. The NCAA (for allowing scheduling of Ohio State vs. Florida A&M, Louisville vs. FIU;  Miami (O.) vs. Savannah State).

Crummy Game of the Weak (tie): San Diego State (0-3) vs. New Mexico State (0-4); Temple (0-3) vs. Idaho (0-4).

Rout of Week: Boise State (2-2) over Ole So. Miss (0-3).


The Pros

Remember when the Giants' biggest problem was fumbling? Well, for the second straight game, they didn't fumble once.

Of course their offense is so inept they hardly have the ball long enough to fumble anymore. Their 3-38 loss to Carolina enabled them to remain on top of the Bottom Ten, just ahead of two real flowerhouses_ the Pits (0-3) and Bay (Tampa) (0-3).

Isn't there a third Manning brother who can play football?

Elsewhere, Philadelphia (1-2) is sticking with its hurry-up-and-lose offense.

And, now, for some good news: Detroit won  a road game in Washington for the first time since 1935. This magnificent achievement is expected to result in an invitation to the Lions to visit the White House.


The rankled:
Wreck, Record................. Last Loss ...................Next Loss
1. N.J. Giants (0-3)............. 3-38, Carolina............ K.C.
2. Pits (0-3) .......................23-40, Chicago............ Minnehaha
3. Bay (Tampa) (0-3)......... 3-23, New England.... Arizona
4. Bay (Green) (1-2) ........ 30-34, Cincinnati...........Healing
5. San Francisco (1-2)......... 7-27, Indianapolis........St. Louis
6. Washington (0-3); 7. Philadelphia (1-2); 8. Minnehaha (0-3); 9. NFC East (3-9); 10. 2012 NFC Playoff teams' record this year (6-12).

Crummy Game of Weak: Pits (0-3) vs. Minnehaha (0-3).

Rout of the Weak: K.C. (3-0) over N.J. Giants (0-3).

Quotebook: Comic Billy Crystal, reciting the nation's holidays on the David Letterman Show: "Dec. 25 is Christmas, July 4 is Independence Day and Oct. 5 the Jets are eliminated from the playoffs." (He said this before the Jets' win over the Bills.)

Quotebook, Le Deux: ESPN analyist Mark Schlereth, on why Philadelphia's offensive linemen appeared so worn out in second half of loss to K.C.: "You can't spread five fat guys."