Everyone messes with Texas

By Steve Harvey
Offensive Coordinator

Bottom Ten Int. (a division of Bottom Ten Int.)

The Colleges

The eyes of Texas stared in amazement.  The Shorthorns (1-2), once one of the most prominent teams in football, fell to Old, Old Miss (23-44) to seize the lead in the Bottom Ten.

Texas replaced Hawaii (0-2), which was idle but looked impressive during a jumping jacks drill.

USC, formerly No. 3, dropped out of the ratings after coach Lane Kiffin unveiled  a trick play against Boston College that hadn’t been seen on the gridiron since the days Knute Rockne played_a “forward pass,” it’s called. (Kiffin declined to say whether he would use the play again).

South Florida jumped to No. 3 with a 10-28 loss to Florida Atlantic, which is the only airline to field a team.

The Bottom Ten’s new statistics unit pointed out that no college team starting the season 0-3 has ever made it into the NFL playoffs.

   

In the long-awaited traditional that marks the end of the two schools’ seasons, No. 11 Iowa State (0-2) was edged by arch-rival Iowa, 27-21.  Both schools will now take the rest of the year off. They deserve a rest.

And, finally, No. 8 Lamar was crushed by Oklahoma State, 3-59. You have to admit that OSU gets its money’s worth from its players.

The rankled:

Wreck, Record….  Last Loss …………………..Next Loss

1. Texas (1-2) …….23-44 Miss…………………. Kansas St.

2. Hawaii (0-2) …….Idle…………………………. Nevada

3. So. Fla. (0-3)....... 10-28, Fla. Atlantic (Fla.).... Miami (Fla.)

4. Temple (0-3) …….29-30, Fordham…………... Idaho

5. Yukon (0-2).......... 21-32, Maryland………….. Michigan

6. Memphis (0-2)......15-17, Middle Tenn St……. Arkansas St.

7. Wake (1-2).......... 19-21, La. Monroe …………Army

8. Lamar (1-2)........... 3-59, Oklahoma St………. Bacone (Okla.)

9. Cal (1-2) ………...34-52, Ohio St ……………..Oregon

10. Idaho (0-3)......... 35-45, N Ill…………………. Washington St

11. Iowa St (0-2); 12. So. Ole Miss (0-3); 13. New Mexico St. (0-3); 14. Vanderbilt (1-2); 15. TCU (1-2); 16. Syracuse (1-2); 17. Error 404 Not Found; 18. UA Birmingham (0-2); 19. Florida Int Univ (0-3); 20. Nebraska (2-1).

Rout of the Week: Kansas St. (2-1) over Texas (1-2).

The SEC’s new logo:

The Pros

In an era when football teams are unveiling new offenses, the New Jersey Giants are gaining special attention with their own innovation. They don’t run the football, they walk the football. The Giants are averaging 2.2 yards a carry and 36.5 rushing yards a game, which helps explain their 0-2 start.

At least they didn’t fumble last week.

Then there are the Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2), who have ignored the pleas of fans to sign Tim Tebow. Of course, how could the Jags be sure they'd maintain their scoring average_5.5 points per game_with Tebow at quarterback?

The Giants and Jags are two of the NFL’s eight winless teams, each of whom has an eye on Detroit’s 2008 feat of posting the only 0-16 record in NFL history.

The sentimental members of that 2008 team still gather together each season to break out a bottle of Thunderbird wine when the last winless team registers a victory_and the Lions' record is safe.

The rankled:

Wreck, Record……….Last Loss…………… Next Loss

1. N.J. Giants (0-2).....23-41, Denver………...Carolina

2. Jacksonville (0-2).... 9-19, Raiders………. Seattle

3. Grampa Bay (0-2).. 14-16, New Orleans... Olde England

4. Washington (0-2).... 20-38, Green Bay…... Detroit

5. The Pits (0-2)......... 10-20, Cincinnati ……..Chicago

6. Cleveland (0-2); 7. Carolina (0-2); 8. AFC North (2-6); 9. Minnehaha (0-2); 10. Baltimore (1-1).

Crummy Game of the Week: N.J. Giants (0-2) at Carolina (0-2).

Rout of the Week:  Seattle (2-0) over Jacksonville (0-2).

Fantasy Flops: S.F. QB Colin Kaepernick, 13 of 28 passes for 127 yards with 3 interceptions (a 17.7 rating for the day!).