Bottom Ten: It doesn't get any worse than this!

By Steve Harvey
Bottom Ten Content Editor

The Colleges

Colorado has had a rough time adapting to its new conference, the Pac-11 1/2.

First, there were the hard feelings over the NCAA's ruling that the vanishing Buffaloes constitute only half a team.

Then there were the game results, the latest of which was the 6-50 loss to USC.

And the insults, such as Trojans coach Lane Kiffin having a reserve quarterback take the field wearing the uniform of a kicker on one 2-point conversion attempt. An ensuing run failed, meaning the Trojans won by just 44 points, not 46. (USC officials denied that Kiffin originally planned to dress up his team in Caltech uniforms for the game to make Colorado overconfident.)

If the season were to end today, the Buffaloes would face Auburning (1-6) in the Bowl Chump Series (BCS), assuming that a sponsor can be found..

Sites bidding for the honor reportedly include Flushing Meadows, N.Y.; the Bonneville Salt Flats; and the famed Irwindale Gravel Pit (a former bidder for the Raiders). In the event that none of the three work out, a Bottom Ten spokesman said the game could be played at any high school in the nation that wasn't using its field that day.

Wreck, Record.................. Last Loss Next Loss
1. Colorado (1-6).................6-50, USC................. Oregon (!)
2. Auburning (1-6)........... 13-17, Vanderbilt ........Texas A$M
3. L.A. Lakers (0-7)...........91-97, LA Clips..........Sacto Kings
4.  Kentucky (1-7)............ 24-29, Georgia............ Missouri
5. Mass (0-7)..................... .0-24, Bowling Green. Vanderbilt
6. UNLV (1-7).................. 7-24, Boise State........ San Diego State
7. Kansas (1-6) ..................7-52, Oklahoma.......... Texas
8. BC (1-6)...................... 17-37, Georgia Tek....... Wake
9. Ill (2-5)......................... Recovering.................... Indiana
10. Idaho (1-7) .................28-70, Louisiana Tech... Idle

11. South Florida (2-5); 12. Washington State (2-6); 13. Wyoming (1-6); 14. Tulane (1-6); 15. South Florida (2-5); 16. Akron (1-7); 17. New Mexico State (1-6); 18. Studying abroad this semester; 19. Central Michigan (2-5); 20. Electoral College (0-0).

Rout of the Century (well, it is only 2012): Oregon (7-0) vs. Colorado (1-6).

Crummy Game of the Weak: Ill (2-5) vs. Indiana (2-5).

The Pros

The Kansas City Chefs are the only team in the NFL that have not led an opponent for a single moment of regulation play. (The Chefs' only win came in overtime when they edged New Orleans in overtime, 27-24.)

Kansas City's streak could come to an end this week because it's playing Oakland (2-4). Then again, the Chefs are starting QB Brady Quinn.

The Chefs have benched Matt Cassel in what has been a subpar year for ex-USC signal-callers. The teams quarerbacked by Cassel, Mark Sanchez (Jets) and Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart have a combined 6-13 record.

Elsewhere, the NFL, so shocked that San Diego has only lost three games, has accused the team of using an illegal substance. Coach Norv Turner, speaking on behalf of every Charger employee, said: "Nobody in this organization has used Stickum."

Oh, yeah? Well then how else could Turner have stuck with San Diego this long?

Wreck, Record........................ Last Loss.............. Next Loss
1. Kansas City (1-5).................. Idle........................ Oakland
2. (Tie) St. Louis Cards (3-4)... 0-9, S.F. Giants...... Done, Toast
2. Arizona Cards (4-3).............. 14-21, Minnesota... S.F. 49ers
4 Jacksonville (1-5).................. 23-26 (OT)............. Oakland
5. Carolina (1-5)....................... 14-19, Dallas.......... Chicago
6. Oakland (2-4); 7. Cleveland (1-6); 8. N.J. Jets (3-4); Grampa Bay (2-4); 10. San Diego (3-3).
Crummy Game of the Week: Oakland (2-4) vs. Kansas City (1-5).

Quotebook: "Ndamukong Suh is this close to pulling people's heads off," said talk show host Colin Cowherd after Suh body-slammed Bears QB Jay Cutler to the ground.

Transactions: ACTRESS EVA LONGORIA---Put N.J. Jets QB Mark Sanchez on waivers as her boyfriend, the New York Post reported. (Does she have her eye on Tebow?)