Halloween horrors, football-style

By Steve Harvey
Hiring and Development


Colleges

As its 0-8 record illustrates, Ole So. Miss has been suffering from a hyper-extended losing streak.

That could change Saturday when the school plays more-or-less-equally inept UAB (1-7) in one of the smallest games of the year. For the unfortunate team that wins, it will be a case of wait-until-next-year as far as winning the Bottom Ten title goes.

But the loser will challenge the vanishing Buffaloes of Colorado for No. 1.

When examining the scores of So. Miss and UAB_research that the Bottom Ten normally doesn't bother to do_it's not clear whether either even takes the field on defense. UAB gave up 55 points in its last game while So. Miss surrendered an average of 47 in its last three.

With the end of the season approaching, the two teams really appear to be  coming apart at an ideal time.

Electoral College, idle since 2008, had still another bye.

Wreck, Record........... Last Loss......................... Next Loss
1. Colorado (1-7)......... 14-70, Oregon................... Stanford
2. Ole So. Miss (0-8)....17-44, Rice........................ UAB
3. UAB (1-7)............... 45-55, Tulane ................... So. Miss
4. Ole Mass (0-8)........... 7-49, Vanderbilt ..............N. Ill
5. L.A. Lakers (0-2)......106-116, Portland...............Clippers
6. Kentucky (1-8)......... 10-33, Missouri................. Vanderbilt
7. Auburning (1-7)........ 21-63, Texas A$M........... New Mexico St
8. UNLV (1-8).............. 13-24, San Diego State ....New Mexico
9. Ill (2-6)...................... 17-31, Indiana.................. Ohio State
10. Akron (1-8) .............14-35, Central Michigan Kent St
11. S. Florida (2-6); 12 Washington St. (2-7); 13. Wyoming (1-7); 14. Kentucky (1-7); 15. Virginia (2-6); 16. Buffalo (1-7); 17. Memphis (1-7); 18. Declined to state; 19. Hawaii (1-6); 20. Purdon't (3-5).

Others (not necessarily in alaphabetical order) : Electoral College (0-0).

Crummy Game of the Weak: UAB (1-7) vs. So. Ole Miss (0-8).

Rout of the Weak: Ohio State (record censored by NCAA) vs. Illinois (2-6).

Quotebook: Oregon running back Kenjon Barner, on the ballet class he's taking: "I was worried I was going to have to wear tights. I'm not a tights guy. But we wear shorts."

Dishonorable Mention: USC leads the nation in penalties, averaging 10.3 per game. Their head coach pulls questionable tricks, like having teammates swap jerseys to fool the other team.  Are they becoming the NCAA version of a pro team with a notorious reputation? Should they be renamed the USC Traiders?

Semi-Pros

When Carolina gets ahead in a game, its opponent just yawns and its fans become nervous. For the 10th time in the last two years, the Panters blew a halftime lead, this time 22-23, to Chicago.

No. 9 Arizona, on the other hand, looked hopeless from the opening bell against San Francisco. The Cardinals chalked up their fourth straight loss by showcasing one of the league's worst running games. They rambled for 7 yards against the 49ers_not on one play; that was their total. It was the least yards gained rushing for the Cards since 1953.

No. 7 Washington had no chance against the Pitts, either. To make matters worse, coach Mike Shanahan of the Skins (3-5) sent QB Robert Griffin III out for a pass on an incredible trick play (incredible for its stupidity) only to see Griffin suffer a concussion on a bone-jarring collision. Not only that, but Griffin was called for offensive pass interference, possibly the first quarterback ever to achieve that distinction.

Kansas City fell to No. 2 but  the Chefs at least kept their streak alive of never having led a game in regulation play this season (their only win came in overtime).

Wreck, Record .........Last Loss............... Next Loss
1. Carolina (1-6)......... 22-23, Chicago....... Washington
2. Kansas City (1-6)... 16-26, Oakland....... San Diego
3. Jack (1-6) ................15-24, Green Bay... Detroit
4. Tigers (0-4)............. 3-4, S.F. Giants.......Toast
5. Jets (3-5).................. 9-30 Miami .............Idle
6. Philadelphia (3-4); 7. Washington (3-5); 8. San Diego (3-4); 9.  Arizona (4-4); 10. Oakland (3-4).

Crummy Game of the Weak: Carolina (1-6) vs. Washington (3-5).

Quotebook: John Dorenbos, the No. 6 Eagles' long snapper, is an adept amateur magician who entertains teammates with his tricks. But, asked USA Today, "Can he make (quarterback Michael) Vick's turnover problem disappear?"