Thursday, October 11, 2012

Trick-or-Treat Ball



By Steve Harvey
Bottom Ten Travel Writer  
(Warning: This is a nonsmoking column.)






Colleges

Well, football folks are certainly getting into the Halloween spirit.

First, coach Mike Leach of No. 8 Washington State (2-4) observed that some of his seniors are "zombie-like," just going "through the motions...some of them quite honestly have an empty-corpse quality."

And, in fact, the NCAA is said to be investigating whether one of Leach's offensive lineman is a zombie who has played for the team since the mid-1920s, an 88th year senior. This might explain why he's always swaddled in tape.

Second, the wife of coach Gene Chizik of Bottom Ten leader Auburned (1-4) declared on her Facebook page that "we have fans all over the U.S, and I think it is time that they RISE UP and snatch back what satan, himself, has stolen."

And you thought the replacement refs in the pros were controversial.

Of course, a look at the standings does reveal that the Duke Blue DEVILS are 5-1, and when did you ever hear of a Blue DEVIL team that was 5-1? Out West, meanwhile, the Arizona Sun DEVILS are 5-1. Call it a coincidence, if you dare.

Wreck, Record............... Last Loss ..................Next Loss
1. Auburned (1-4)............. 7-24, Arkansas...... ...Ole Miss
2. Mass (0-6)*................... 14-52, W. Michigan..Bye
3. So. Miss (0-5).............. 14-40, Boise St.......... Cnt. Fla.
4. E. Michigan (0-5)........ 14-41, Kent St........... Toledo
5. Kentucky (1-5)............ 14-27, Miss St............ Arkansas
6. Kansas (1-4)................ 16-56, Kansas St..... ...Oklahoma St
7. Rice (1-5).................... 10-14, Memphis......... Texas San Ant
8. Washington St (2-4)...... 6-19, Oregon St........ Cal
9. B.C.** (1-4)..................31-34, Army...............Fla. St.
10. Ill (2-4)...................... 14-31, Wisconsin........ Michigan

11. Texas (seven straight losses to ranked teams); 12. Hawaii (1-4); 13. Colorado (1-5); 14. UNLV (1-5); 15. Fla. Atlantic (1-4) or Fla. Int. (1-5) (you must choose one); 16. New Mexico State (1-5); 17. Virginia (2-4; 18. Anonymous; 19. Wyoming*** (1-4); 20. Texas of El (you fill in the joke) Paso (1-5).

Others (in partial alphabetical order): None.

*Leads nation in defeats.
**Based on the comic strip.
***Errant boldface; please ignore

Rout of the Weak: Michigan (3-2) over Ill (2-4).


Special Citation: Texas State held New Mexico to just 9 yards passing. Unfortunately for
Texas State, New Mexico did gain 361 yards on the ground, en route to a 35-14 win.



Pros

Jacksonville has the most luxurious practice-field locker room in the NFL, a new, $3 million-plus facility that the New York Times said ``looks like a cross between a high-end nightclub (a 41,600-watt sound system) and a 5-star hotel (stacked stone wall tile)."

It is so impressive that it has been chosen to appear in the Pro Bowl. (The complete locker room will be flown to Honolulu in January for the 2013 game.)

Alas, it can't do anything to help the home team, which has taken a 1-4 record to the top of the Bottom Ten. The Jags, averaging 13 points per game, have the best sofa chairs but the worst offense in the NFL.

The Jags can't become too comfortable as No. 1 though. They have a bye Sunday, meaning it could be a chance for Cleveland (0-4) to supplant them.  The red-faced Browns have not won a game since Nov. 20_in 2012.  Some day only the zombies will remember the last Cleveland win.

Wreck, Record........ Last Loss................. Next Loss
1. Jacksonville (1-4)... 3-41, Chicago......... Bye
2. Cleveland (0-5)..... 27-41, N.J. Giants.... Cincinnati
3. Carolina (1-4)....... 12-16, Seattle............ Bye
4. Kansas City (1-4)... 6-9, Baltimore......... Grampa Bay
5. Oakland (1-3)........ Bye.......................... Atlanta
6. Tennessee (2-4);  7. Dallas (2-2); 8. Grampa Bay (1-3); 9. Old Orleans (1-4). 10. Miami (Fla.) (2-3).

Crummy Game of the Week: Kansas City (1-4) at Grampa Bay (1-3).









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