A Fox Warts Production

By Steve Harvey

Colleges

Lost Lobos of New Mexico (0-9) will really have to be off their game Saturday to retain a share of the Bottom Ten lead. After all, they play the nearly-as-inept Droolin' Rebels of Nevada Las Vegas (2-6) in the Crummy Game of the Year (tickets still available).

Lost Lobos are feeling the pressure from co-leader Florida Atlantic (0-8), which shows no sign of ever winning a game.

And, then there's No. 3 Alabama (Birmingham) (1-8) (sorry for all the parentheses) (it won't happen again). The Blazers poured it on themselves last week in a 13-56 drubbing by Houston.

It was a bad week for the state of Alabama, with the Crimson Tide falling to LSU, 6-9, in what some called The Game of the Century. Judging from the offensive output, those analysts apparently meant the 19th century.

Next up, Birmingham battles No. 13 Memphis (2-7) in a game known as the ``Battle for the Bones," with a gold-colored, rack-of-ribs trophy going to the winner. The matchup, according to one web site, recognizes the "renowned barbecue history" of each city.

If the game recognized the football history of each city, it might be called ``Battle for the Table Scraps."

Wreck, Record..............Last Loss...................Next Loss

1. New Mexico (0-9)........... 7-35, San Diego State.... UNLV

1. Florida Atlantic (0-8)... 21-39, Arkansas State.... Florida International

3. Alabama (Birm.) (1-8).. 13-56, Houston................ Memphis

4. Colorado (1-9)................ 17-42, USC .......................Arizona

5. Akron (1-8)...................... 3-35, Miami (O)..............Kent State

6. Indiana (1-9).................. 20-34, Ohio State............ Michigan State

7. Maryland (2-7).............. 13-31, Virginia.................. Notre Dame

8. Kansas (2-7)................... 10-13, Iowa State............. Baylor

9. UNLV (2-6).................... 21-48, Boise State............ New Mexico

10. B.C. (2-7)....................... 7-38, Florida State..........North Carolina State

11. Buffalo (2-7); 12. Arizona (2-7); 13. Memphis (2-7); 14. Ole Ole Miss (2-7); 15. Minnesota (2-7); 16. Oregon State (2-7); 17. Idaho (2-7); 18 Washington State (3-6); 19. Censored; 20. Purdon't (4-5).

Crummy Game of the Year, if not Decade: UNLV (2-6) at New Mexico (0-9).

Rout of the Weak: Wisconsin (7-2) over Minnesota (2-7).

The Pros

Miami (Fla.) hasn't been able to do anything right this year so it figure that the Dolphins would go out and win a game, thereby threatening their chances of getting Stanford's Andrew Luck in the draft.

And Miami won without cornerback Vontae Davis, who was suspended for one game after reportedly showing up for practice with alcohol on his breath. (Maybe he mistakenly thought he was supposed to study Bloody Marys, not Hail Marys.)

The Dolphins' victory left Indianapolis (0-9) as the only winless team in the NFL. The Dolts just seem unstartable. Of course, wouldn't it be interesting if Indy got the first pick and Luck pulled a John Elway---that is, refused to sign with the Dolts, as John Elway did in 1983? Elway was eventually traded to Denver.

Elsewhere, the No. 3 Philadelphia Eagles blew a 4th quarter lead for the fourth time this season, which makes you wonder. When they were buying marquee players in the offseason, why didn't they acquire Mariano Rivera as a closer?

And, welcome back, No. 8 San Diego, which rejoined the Bottom Ten on the wings of three interceptions by Philip Rivers for Norv Turnover's team.

Wreck, Record..........Last Loss......................Next Loss

1. Indianapolis (0-9)...... 7-31, Atlanta....................... Jacksonville

2. Seattle (2-6)............. .13-23, Dallas........................ Baltimore

3. Philadelphia (3-5)..... 24-30, Chicago.................... Arizona

4. St. Louis (1-7)............ 13-19, Arizona .....................Cleveland

5. Miami (Fla.) (1-7)..... Def. Kansas City, 31-3........ Washington

6. Jacksonville (2-6); 7. Washington (3-5); 8. San Diego (4-4); 9. Oakland (4-4) 10. NFL teams vs. Tebow this year (1-2).

Crummy Game of the Weak: Jacksonville (2-6) at Indianapolis (0-9).

Fantasy Flop of the Week: New England WR Chad Ochocinco, vs. N.J. Giants: no catches for no yards and no touchdowns.

Thought for the Day: Blogger/commentator Norman Chad says, "Frankly, the only sideline reporters I respect are those at the Running of the Bulls."