Thursday, December 20, 2012

End of Season, if not World, Report

By Steve Harvey
Mayan Liaison

Lowlights and weird flights of the 2012 football season:


---Murray State Coach Chris Hatcher, asked whether he thought Florida State would finish ranked No. 1, replied: "I'm no procrastinator."

---After Stanford upset USC at home, Fox scoreboard host Erin Andrews exclaimed: "Nobody is going to class tomorrow morning!" She was right for two reasons: "tomorrow morning" fell on a Sunday, and the semester hadn't started yet.

---Savannah State dominated Oklahoma State in the all-important time-of-possession category,  34.13 minutes to just 25.47 minutes.  (However, OSU managed to win, 84-0).

---Washington State coach Mike Leach said that some of his seniors' play was "zombie-like."  A movie is said to be in the works.

---After a 52-0 loss, Arkansas coach John Smith defended his program, saying, "It's our program---it's a state of Alabama program." (Actually, the University of Arkansas is located in the state of Arkansas.)

---Disoriented Arkansas, ranked No. 10 in AP's pre-season Top 25 poll, finished 4-8.

---USC became the first team in almost half a century to be ranked No. 1 by AP before the season began and unranked when the season ended.

---USC's opponent in the Sun Bowl_Georgia Tech (6-7)_was so bad that bowl officials had to get a waiver from the NCAA to allow the selection.

---Kansas Coach Charlie Weis was paid $2.5 million per win, steering the Jayhawks to a 1-11 record.

---Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg said that after Washington state voters legalized marijuana, the University of Washington  "changed its mascot from the Huskies to the Snoop Dogs."


---Seattle receiver Braylon Edwards was cut by the Seahawks after he characterized the Jets' management as "idiots."  Several days later, Edwards was signed by the Jets.

---The S.I. Jinx: ``Four straight victories---and a sudden calm---suggest that Arizona quarterback Kevin Kolb has finally found his form," Sports Illustrated wrote after the team got off to a 4-0 start. Kolb was then injured and the Cardinals went on a 9-game losing streak. which point the West Greenway Bible Church in Glendale, Ariz., stepped in with a marquee that said, ``No One is Beyond God's Help_Not Even the Cardinals." (And the Cardinals won.)

---The NFL ruled that Denver linebacker D.J. Williams tried to manipulate a drug test, possibly with non-human urine, leading Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times to write: "So, in addition to his 6-game NFL ban, he's been declared ineligible for next year's Kentucky Derby."

---The Chargers became the first NFL team to lead by 24 or more points at halftime, then lose by double digits (24-35, to Denver).

---Republican VP candidate Paul Ryan visited Browns practice and singled out QB Brandon Weeden for praise. Oops. USA Today reported that, at the time, Ryan was actually "pointing and staring directly at backup Colt McCoy."

---The Browns canceled a promotion in which their fans would have waved flags at the Steelers when someone noticed the flags were white.

---Jacksonville (2-12) and Kansas City (2-12) were declared Bottom Ten champions by Mayan replacement refs.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Steve: I miss your 'Bottom Ten' in our Arkansas Democrat*Gazette. I'm on the sports editor, Wally Hall's case, but they, like most print newspapers, are in a cost-cutting mode. Keep up the good work, my friend, and don't let the bastards wear you down. -- Yer pal, Ferrari Bubba