By Steve Harvey
Not the funny one
Colleges
It seemed like old times last weekend, with such crucial games as Kansas State vs. TCU and Oregon vs. Utah. But wait! These were Top 25 crucials, not Bottom Ten crucials, like they used to be.
Bottom Ten selectors could only shake their heads at how the world has turned upside down.
The Horney Frogs of TCU are 8-1. The former Sitting Ducks of Oregon are 9-1.
What? You say the 0-0 tie in 1983 between Oregon and the Meager Beavers of Oregon State is just a faint memory now? Wasn't that the game that inspired the myth that security guards threatened to lock the gates until someone---anyone!---scored? What great memories.
Next you'll tell me Mississippi State is a Top 25 contender.
At least, SMU is continuing the losing tradition. The football program was given the death penalty (banned from competing) for the 1987 and '88 seasons for multiple infractions, including boosters' payments to players.
SMU was banned from every set of rankings, except of course the always-forgiving Bottom Ten.
Now, as the only winless major team, the Mustangs may capture still another title.
They have, by the way, defeated only two ranked teams since the death sentence was carried out against them. It's difficult to recover from the death penalty.
School, Record......... Last Loss................. Next Loss
1. SMU (0-8)..............28-38, Tulsa............. S Fla
2. Georgia St (1-9) .....21-45, Troy.............. Idle
3. Idaho (1-8) .............21-35 San Diego St.. Troy
4. Kent St (1-8).......... 20-30, Toledo........... Green (Bowling)
5. UNLV (2-8)............21-48, Air Force....... BYU
6. Colorado (2-8)........ 20-38, Arizona .........Idle
7. Weak Forest (2-7)... 20-34, Clemson ........N.C. St
8. Iowa St (2-7)........... 14-34, Kansas........... Idle
9. Syracuse (3-7) .........10-27, Duke ..............Pitts
10.Vanderbilt (3-7)..... 10-34, Florida............ Idle
Quotebook: From readers Ron and Bev Haramia, re. reports that hundreds of Univ. of North Carolina athletes received A's and B's in nonexistent classes over a period of several years: "What is worse? Taking a nonexistent class or getting a B in it?"
Pros
It was also like old times in the NFL, seeing Grampa Bay (1-8) galloping out to the lead in the Bottom Ten race.
In the 1970s, the Bucs became history's worst expansion team, losing their first 26 games. When coach John McKay was asked what he thought of the execution of tht Bucs, he responded: "I'm in favor of it."
The Bucs ascended to the top of the bottom this week with a 17-27 loss to the Lost Team of Atlantis. But being No. 1 means everyone else out there is revved up to lose to you. And the Bucs won't find it that easy to be outscored by Washington.
Right behind them, of course, is Oakland (0-9), wounded and insulted. Against the Raiders, Broncos coach John Fox, a candidate for Sportsman of the Week, protested an interception call with 2:46 left to play and his team leading, 10-41. Hey, you can't be too safe.
Meanwhile, Oakland coach Tony Sparano said afterward, "We gotta stay the course." The captain of the Titanic couldn't have said it better.
Wreck, Record........... Last Loss.............. Next Loss
1. Grampa Bay (1-8)... 17-27, Atlantis........ Washington
2. Oakland (0-9).......... 17-41, Denver ........San Diego
3. Jax (1-9) ..................17-31, Dallas............Idle
4. Chicago (3-6) ..........14-55, Green Bay.... Minnehaha
5. Tennessee (2-7)......... 7-21, Baltimore...... The Pitts
6. N.J. Jets (2-8); 7. Washington (3-6); 8. Atlantis (3-6); 9. New Orleans (4-5); 10. Carolina's offensive line (allowed its QB, Cam Newton, to be sacked 9 times vs. Philadelphia).
Rout of the Week: San Diego over Oakland_in football_ but visiting Raiders fans will rout terrified San Diego season-ticket holders in the stands at Petco Park (see correction at bottom of column).
Quotebook: Cincinnati rookie runningback Jeremy Hill, asked to rate Cleveland Browns: "They're probably worse than I thought." Doesn't say much for Cincinnati, which had just lost to the Browns, 3-24.
Hashtag of the year: Dallas chose this unfortunate combination of letters for stories about its journey to London: #CowboysUK (highlights are mine; or should I say, lowlights?).
Re. the Rout of the Week: Whitney Skala writes: "Steve!!! Petco is our baseball stadium. Qualcomm is our football stadium. So, if the Raiders indeed descend upon Petco Park when their On-Loan-From-the-Redskins bus driver mistakenly takes them there, the Raiders most definitely will not be in a forgiving mood."
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