Monday, September 1, 2014

Oh no! Bottom Ten Returns for 2014

The Bottom Ten

By Steve Harvey
Veteran Intern


The South Carolina fans flagged the team for a false start_to its season.

The not-so-Gamecocks staged the worst performance by a Top Ten team (No. 9) this year, falling 28-52, to Texas A$M, a 10-point underdog. That display vaulted South Carolina into the No. 1 spot in the Bottom Ten, which ranks the most inept teams in the country.

Wisconsin, the losingest team in America, pushed its 2014 record to 0-2 with a 24-28 loss to LSU. The Badgers previously lost, 24-34, in the Capital One Bowl on Jan. 1. (The Bottom Ten includes bowl results from the same year in its rankings).

 No. 4 Rice was cooked, 17-48, by Notre Dame in a game of 6-man football. (Notre Dame has lost so many players to an academic scandal that the Cheatin' Irish can no longer play 11-man football.)

Cal rolled to a 31-24 win over No. 5 Northwestern, whose defense was on strike for most of the game.

Elsewhere, No. 6 Colorado was downed 17-31 by Colorado State in the much-awaited traditional that marks the end of the season for the two schools. See you in 2015, Colorados!

One of the worst showings of opening day was by the UCLA Ruins, who scored only one touchdown on offense in a narrow 28-20 win over harmless Virginia, a 21-point underdog. The Ruins began the day ranked No. 7 (in the Top Ten, not the Bottom Ten!).

Meanwhile, No. 10 Fresno State sank, 13-52, against USC.

School, Record...............Last Loss......................Next Loss
1. S. Carolina (0-1)..........28-52, Texas A$M........E. Carolina
2. Wisconsin (0-2)...........24-28 LSU....................W. Ill
3. Clemson (0-1)..............21-45, Georgia..............S Carolina St
4. Rice (0-1).. ..................17-48, Notre Dame.......Healing
5. Northwestern (0-1).......24-31, Cal.....................On picket line
6. Colorado (0-1)..............17-31, Colo St...............Ole Mass
7. (Tie) William (0-1).........9-34, Virginia Tech.....Hampton
7. And Mary (Ditto)*................................................................
9. UCLA offense.............. 0 in 1st half..................Memphis
10. Fresno State (0-1)........ 13-52, USC...................Utah

*Last William & Mary joke of the season.

Crummy Game of the Week: S. Carolina vs. E. Carolina.

Rout of the Week: Florida State over Citadel.

Next Week: The Bottom Ten pros (including what's left of the San Francisco 49ers team).



2 comments:

  1. Steve - grew up loving your column (back in the days when teams like TCU and Northwestern dominated the poll) and just recently heard you were back. Look forward to reading more. But really, your iconic graphic (which ESPN had no problem stealing, God I hate them) should always be at the top :)

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  2. PS pls ask the webmaster to make it easier to post comments (no facebook option and have to keep relogging in, all this "blogger.com wants to verify your identity" silliness etc etc - poorly set up) thx :)

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