So long, Big Ten

By Steve Harvey

Bottom Ten Travel Editor

The Colleges

It was a weekend in which Big Ten teams lost to Northern Ill, Central Michigan and Virginia Tech_and barely squeezed by McNeese State and Western Kentucky.

A perfect example of futility was Purdon’t, which fell 17-38 to Central Michigan, a school that is so obscure no one knows what state it is in.

With Ohio State and Michigan State losing, the Big Ten pulled off the remarkable feat of eliminating itself from contention for the championship playoff_in the second week of the season.

Thus, it came as no particular surprise when the desperate Big Ten agreed to a merger with the Bottom Ten. The new conference will be known as the Big/Bottom Ten (BBT).

Elsewhere, the Rice Owls and the Florida Atlantic Owls found themselves in the same roost_tied for No. 2, just ahead of the gutty little SMUs (0-2).

No. 5 Tulane was clubbed, 21-38, by Georgia Tech, which had an up-and-down week. Tech was put on probation after admitting making 478 impermissible phone calls and sending at least 299 impermissible text messages to 140 prospects_both believed to be NCAA records.

Against Tulane, Tech could have mailed it in.

The rankled:

Team, Record.................... Last Loss.................. Next Loss

1. Reserved for Big Ten schools

2. (Tie) Fla Atlantic (0-2)... 0-41, Alabama.......... ..Tulsa

2. Rice (0-1).....................  Idle.............................. Texas A$M

4. SMU (0-2)..................... 6-43, N Texas............. Idle

5. Tulane (0-2)................ 21-38, Ga Tech ............SE Louisiana

6. Iowa State (0-2) ..........28-32, Kansas St......... Iowa

7. Miami (O.) (0-2).......... 10-17, E. Kentucky....... Michigan

8. Washington State (0-2)13-24, Nevada............. Portland St

9. New Mexico (0-2)....... 23-58, Ariz State.......... Idle

10. UCLA (2-0)* ...............Def. Memphis, 42-35....Texas

*Worst 2-0 team in nation.

Others receiving votes (in alphabetical order): Fresno State (0-2).

Rout of the Week: USC over BC (not the comic strip). Even if SC offense gets off to another slow start, coach Steve Sarkisian probably won’t have to summon AD Pat Haden from the press box and beg him to take over at quarterback, as he did last week against Stanford.

The Pros

Who’s more deserving of recognition:

Jacksonville, a team that gives up 34 straight points?

Washington, a team that snaps an opponent’s 14-game losing streak?

Dallas, a team that drew a huge, cheering crowd (mostly of red-clad 49ers fans)?

Or Oakland, a team so disrespected that, after its 19-14 loss to the Jets, winning coach Rex Ryan snarled: “It should have been a rat kill.” (Uh coach, they're the Oakland RAIDERS not the Oakland RODENTS.)

What the heck. Let’s give each of the above a share of the Bottom Ten lead.

Right behind them is Olde England, quarterbacked by Olde Tom, a 20-33 loser to Miami (Fla.). 

Meanwhile, Denver QB Peyton Manning knocked off the No. 10 Dolts, meaning he has now beaten all 32 of the original NFL franchises. The streak began in 1922 when Manning's Canton Bulldogs edged the Chicago Bears, 6-0.

Team, Record............. Last Loss.................. Next Loss

1. Jacksonville (0-1)...17-34, Philadelphia....Washington

1. Washington (0-1)..... 6-17, Houston..........Jacksonville

1. Dallas (0-1)............. 17-28, S.F................ Tennessee

1. Rodents (0-1) ...........14-19, Jets................Houston

5. Olde England (0-1).. 20-33, Miami (Fla.)... Minnehaha

6. St. Louis (0-1); 7. Grampa Bay (0-1); 8. N.J. Giants (0-1); 9. Baltimore (0-1);  10. Indianapolis (0-1).

Crummy Game of the Week: Jacksonville vs. Washington.

Rout of the Week: Seattle over San Diego.

No thanks! NY Times says new Bills owner Terry Pegula vows to keep team in Buffalo, easing fears that "a new owner would move the team out of the area, perhaps to Los Angeles."

Many fans in Los Angeles feared the very same thing!