Bottom Ten Cartoonist
Colleges
Historically, big losses and/or poor won-lost records have propelled teams into the Bottom Ten lead. But Low Cal (1-5) added another element. One on-line site supplied this information about tickets for Saturday's home game against Oregon State:
10:30 PM ET
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That's right_tickets out there priced at $2 (one Bottom Ten selector broke into tears at the plight of the poor, cut-throat ticket-brokers). Next week, expect to find Cal tickets on the shelves of 99¢Only stores.
No. 5 Purdon't (1-5), meanwhile, paradoxically found itself in last place of the Leaders Division of the Big Ten. (No, really, there is a Leader's Division.) (And there is a Big Ten, though it has 12 teams.)
Elsewhere, last week's game between Tulsa and Texas of El Paso Interference caught the eye of the BT selectors. Reason: The game, featuring teams with a combined 2-8 record, was televised on Fox Sports 1.
This was proof that Fox is finally showing some interest in airing a Bottom Ten playoff competition, the BCS (or Bowl Chump Series). Surely, there are many suitable sites available, including the Al Davis Gravel Pits of Irwindale, the Nevada Disproving Grounds, the Spruce Goose Flew the Coop Dome and Farmer's Field (the downtown home of the pro football franchise that L.A. will never be awarded).
Wreck, Record................Last Loss...............Next Loss
1. Low Cal (1-5) ..............10-37, UCLA........ Oregon St
2. Temple (0-6)................ 20-38, Cincy.......... Army
3. New Mexico St (0-6)... Idle......................... Rice
4. So Ole Miss (0-5)........ Idle.......................... E Carolina
5. Purdon't (1-5)............... 7-44, Nebraska....... Michigan St
6. Miami (O) (0-6).............10-17, Ole Mass .....Akron (O.)
7. W Michigan (0-7)......... 0-33, Buffalo.......... Ball St
8. Hawaii (0-6)............... 37-39, UNLV........... Idle
9. Georgia St (0-6).......... 28-35, Troy ..............Texas St
10. Yu Conn (0-5)............ 10-13, So Florida...... Cincinnati
11. North Carolina (1-4); 12. Iowa St (1-4); 13. UTEP (1-5); 14. Kentucky (1-5); 15. E. Michigan (1-5); 16. FIU (1-5); 17. SMU (1-4); 18. Idle; 19. Louisiana Tech (2-4); 20. Tulsa (2-4).
Rout of the Weak: Oregon St (5-1) over Cal (1-5) (in retrospect, perhaps Oregon State was wise not to take the Bottom Ten's advice and abandon football after the Beavers' opening 46-49 loss to Eastern Washington. But, folks, it was EASTERN WASHINGTON!)
Eye, yi, yi: Oregon cheerleaders model green and yellow special contact lenses they wear in support of the Ducks (as well as Halloween).
Pros
First, a round of applause, please, for the Pits Steelers, who recorded their first two takeways of the season Sunday. Yes, in their first 4 games, they had failed to intercept a single pass or recover one opponent fumble.
This time the Pits picked off two passes and even emerged victorious against the fuel-less Jets, recording the 600th win in franchise history. At the rate the Pits are winning this year, it will only take them 187 years to notch their next 600 wins.
As for No. 1 New Jersey, the Giants (0-6) go up against Minnehaha (1-4) in a sort of Bottom Ten Stupor Bowl on Monday night. The Vikings, in an obvious attempt to move up to No. 1, will employ Josh Freeman at QB, their 11th starting QB since 2005, not including Vinny Interceptaverde.
Elsewhere, visiting Oakland fell to Kansas City, 7-24, but the No. 9 Raiduz had the honor of being present when the fans inside Arrowhead Stadium broke the world record for the loudest outdoor sports stadium, reaching 137.5 decibels. (The record was set when the Kansas City fans screamed in terror at the sight of costumed Raiduz fans arriving at the game.)
Wreck, Record.......... Last Loss ...............Next Loss
1.N.J. Giants (0-6)...... 21-27, Chicago........ Minnehaha
2.Jacksonville (0-6)..... 19-35, Denver .........San Diego
3. Minnehaha (1-4)..... 10-35, Carolina........ N.J. Giants
4. Houston (2-4)......... 13-38, St. Louis....... Kansas City
5. Grampa Bay (0-5).. 20-31, Philadelphia...Atlantis
6. Atlantis (1-4); 7. Washington (1-4); 8. Pits (1-4); 9. Raiduz (2-4); 10. NFC East (7-16).
Monday Night Flop of the Season: Minnehaha (1-4) vs. N.J. Giants (0-6).
Dishonorable Mention: Detroit defensive tackle Stomp Again Suh was fined $30,000 for his latest cheap shot, bringing his total of lost salary to $209,000 in fines and about $165,000 for missed games_$374,000 in all, as he moves closer to becoming the first Million Dollar Man in a new category.
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